Friday, July 10, 2015

Excuses are NOT in Order

I have found myself making excuses that don't need to be made lately.  It surrounds one topic: Tyler going to a community college and not a four year university.

Why am I doing that?  Continuing education is an accomplishment no matter where you go.  So many don't even have the option.  And for others, the option may not be necessary for what they want to do in life.

But I often find that when I speak to other parents I'm looked down upon because she's not going to a four year school.  It sucks, it's the grown up mom breastfed versus formula fed debate.  We all feel like we need to defend our position and how much we love our children and how our/their choices are the best.

The excuses I find myself giving are:

  1. Asperger's
  2. She's not sure what she wants to do.
Both of them are true but they shouldn't be excuses.  They should be reasons that we, as a family, collectively chose her school.  Just like others have reasons they chose another school.  

Proud isn't even the tip of the iceberg when it comes to Tyler and going to her school.  That should be the attitude I speak with when talking to others about her future.  She has come so far from the little girl who couldn't even sit at circle time.  

She hasn't loved school in the past.  She may not be thrilled about going but she knows that this may be the best way to figure out what she wants to be when she grows up.  That takes a lot of gumption.  She is scared, she doesn't know anyone there, she doesn't have many friends to begin with and those she knows are going aren't in her classes.  Her class load is heavy but she is ready to tackle it.

Her plan is to transfer and go to a school further away in two years and that's great.  Boy, will I miss my princess.  For the next two years, I'm going to be forever grateful that she is living at home and we can bond a bit more.

Thursday, July 2, 2015

Social Media and Marriage and Real Effects

Within social media, myself included, there is a huge facade around our lives.  Rarely do I see Facebook posts, tweets, pins, etc. about the screaming kid who spilled chocolate milk WITHOUT a funny spin on it, the desperation of the father working multiple jobs to support his family or the punch in the face that the abused woman just got.

For myself, my biggest facade is the perfection of my marriage.  I love and adore my husband, my children and vice versa.  My husband and I have been together more than half of our lives.  The love has not faded.  We are each other's best friend.  We are thankfully connected on many levels.

With that being said, I have a huge need for social media that may risk our marriage.  It's truly an addiction because I don't see it and its impact on my family.  My husband is not a social media person.  He has accounts for the sake of his profession but they are not updated regularly and probably just has tags from myself.  That polar opposite scenario does not help.  He plays a few games on his phone and that's about it.  However, I'm on it constantly.  CON-STANT-LY.  Look, I'm on it right now, blogging away.  The biggest issue that I know is that I'm more focused on what's going on in other people's lives than my own.

I need to plug in.  Yes, plug in and I'm not talking about my cell phone into the charger.  Into my family, my marriage and myself.  And sometimes that is hard because it's not as easy and fun as clicking the Like button.  The social media is mindless and not needing something or wanting something.  Life is hard.  And social media is my escape.  I shouldn't escape, it's my family!  People I love and adore.  And I don't mean to and they aren't horrible nor is any situation that we have on our hands.

If I was telling you I was stepping back because I had an addiction to pain pills, heroine, cocaine, alcohol, it would be so different.  I know eyes will roll but I truly think social media addiction is going to be the downfall of a lot of relationships, whether it be marriages, friendships.  I think we've all seen it ruin something.

I will still blog, I will still have a social media presence.  But I will have something even better, a truly happy and healthy family to call my own.

Sunday, June 28, 2015

At least he's clean?


13 pairs of shorts, 10 pairs of pants and 30 shirts. That's what was worn in the past 7 days by Mini J. Plus, without a doubt, there is more that missed the [invisible] hamper. The smell of them will eventually cause them to be found and make their way to washer.

Granted, it has been over 95 degrees for two weeks. This has not stopped him from playing outside with his friends or participating in soccer. He comes through the door (slammed of course!) sweaty and gross, threatening to hug me, sometimes succeeding. Eew.

Then, thank the Heavens, he goes and takes a very needed shower. We will not discuss the quickness of said showers or the wonders if all the areas are thoroughly cleaned. Or that he is using a body wash, shampoo and conditioner in one to simplify the showering process even more.

But, at least there is deodorant at the end. Girls, boys and teachers at middle school are surely thankful for that right?

I will be appreciative for the enormous amount of clothes when I hear other moms talk about forcing their sons to take a shower. This is not a battle I face.


Friday, June 26, 2015

Trips to Anywhere

Family car rides involve the patience of Mother Theresa. No matter where we are going- a long vacation, a trip to the mall or out to eat, it's... interesting to say the least.

As a family of six, we have a minivan. Definitely not the car myself or Mr. J ever dreamed of but I do love it.

Everyone in! Mr. J is always the driver. I am the matron passenger extraordinaire. Whoever calls shotgun out of Miss T and Mini J gets the seat behind the driver. Mom G gets settled in behind me.  The shotgun loser and A-Man are in the far back.

While this sounds simple, it's thisclose from bloodshed.  Okay, we're in the car and everyone is breathing and settled.

Nope, spoke too soon.

'Stop singing!', 'That's my charger.', 'I need to go potty.' 'I can't sit next to____ if they are going to breathe.'

We are barely out of the subdivision!

And then we forgot the tickets. Or something else.

I think next time we attempt this family 'fun', the kids get settled in for at least ten minutes before the adults dare enter.


Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Thinking about Father's Day



Father's Day always has me thinking.  I was truly blessed in the father or father figure department growing up and now.  In the early days, I may not have thought so, as many of my friends had parents married and their dad was there everyday.

I have a dad.  My parents are divorced and have been for the entire memory of my life.  Now, while my dad is a good man, he has never had ill intent but he was not the prime example I needed in my life growing up.  He is a very hard worker.  He's always had more than one job.  He just needs that in his life as a provider.  He loved the fun part of fathering and I loved that about him too.  He was always at my softball games, school concerts, spelling bees, etc.  He was there at the things you want your parents to be there for.  Please don't think he was a deadbeat, that is so far from the case.  He just relied heavily on my mom for the day-to-day.  He loved us dearly in the best way he knew how.  He really stepped up to the plate after his parents passing.  He traveled to see Tyler for her graduation party just last month.

But for that day-to-day fathering, I was incredibly lucky to have my grandfathers.

I had one local, Poppy.  Poppy was the funny grandfather.  Primarily quiet but you could always curl up in his lap and watch Popeye or Tom & Jerry with him.  He had a train collection in the basement and we built many different scenes.  He had a old style sock monkey in his room and stories about him, whether they were real tales or just made up ones, they were the best nonetheless.  He was our driver.  See, my mom didn't drive and my dad worked non-stop and my grandparents were just a few streets away.  He was the one that took us to practices, the mall, or even my mom to the grocery store every other Wednesday.  I looked forward the school days off that I got to go over to their house.  My grandparents were big couponers and savers, they had a stockpile!  The original Extreme Couponers.  We'd go to different grocery stores.  My grandfather would fill up gas and still had a little book with the mileage and everything.  If it was a Friday, we'd go to McDonald's for a fish filet meal; anywhere in the north where Catholics have a stronghold on the Friday menus of no meat.  During my fright-filled teenage years, he guided me.  When those times that going out with the grandparents weren't cool, I'd still go over and watch Tom & Jerry, Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune.

He passed away in 2005.  He had just gone to the mailbox to send out Valentine's Day cards to his great-grandchildren.  He came back and told my Grammy he didn't feel well and he went to lay down.  He was gone.  It was one of the most devastating days of my life.  But I get to see pieces of him everyday.  Part of Mini J's name holds his and so does his personality, always strong.  A-man has a piece of his goofy side, loving stories and cartoons.  Miss T stole his heart and her blue eyes remind me of him.  A-man never got to meet my Poppy and Mini J barely remembers him but they hear stories often.

My Grandpa lived far away (well, far away for a kid) but it really was only eighty-six miles.  He was a very slim man, always with Juicy Fruit and the black tube of Chapstick and don't dare give him cheese.  There have been many times I pick up those items just to have a piece of him near me.  At my grandparents' house, he was the easy-going one, the one you couldn't wait to see.  My grandmother was good too, but she was a bit overprotective and not as much fun!  My Grandpa drove down the day before every major holiday to take us back to my mom's hometown.  He'd also pick us up for a few weeks during the summer.  Many times, my brother would take vacations with friends, so it was just me.  I loved these times because it meant just me and my Grandpa on our road trip.  He worked for Remington Arms and when he'd get off of work, he'd take me for ice cream or to go visit one of my great uncles, there were so many.  My Grandpa was one of 11 children!  Sometimes he'd take me to the diner he frequented.  He didn't get to see much of my crazy teenager stage, just the snippets from holidays.  Once I got my license, my first big trek was to see him and I took that trek many times.  And every time I hear Zac Brown Band's 'Highway 20 Ride', I belt it out.  Route 20 was the road that led from my city to his town.  So very fitting.

Grandpa died suddenly in 2002, in his sleep.  He had been battling stomach issues for awhile, and the day after he passed he was supposed to get a colonoscopy to hopefully figure out the cause.  It was crushing.  Mini J had just been born ten weeks before and my Grandpa had only got to meet him once.  He loved him, he knew his name was to honor him (and my Poppy).  No one can find the pictures that we took during that meeting.  Mini J reminds me the most of him.  He's very mild until something strikes a cord, then you'll hear about it and don't give Mini J cheese!

When I became pregnant at sixteen, the people that were the hardest to tell were my grandfathers.  I knew I had disappointed them but they never say a word about it.  They stood by me, my Poppy even took me to prenatal appointments.  And when that bundle of joy, Miss T was born, they gleamed with pride and adored her just as they had me for all those years.

Thankfully, both of grandfathers got to meet Mr. J and they very much approved of him and considered me incredibly lucky.  All of the positive attributes (and maybe even a few of the negative ones!) of my father and grandfathers possess in my heart and mind Mr. J has.  Mr. J is my everything and my children's world.  He is everything I could have dreamed for a father, and even a husband and most importantly, my best friend.  He doesn't miss a thing, he is our world.

Father's Day is a great holiday in my home.  There will never be enough gifts or accolades to honor any of them in my book.  I get to honor them the best way I can, by passing down their stories, their memories and encourage me to make sure my sons are those men to their future wives and children and my daughter marries one too, maybe even find Mom G one again too.